Mortgaging My Soul, Once Again

I found something SO disturbing and damning that I decided to walk in the tradition of my fellow bloggers that have outed the righteous to the world as the sick perverts that they are.

You know who you are. You that twirls around, screaming that Walmart is an abomination and needs to be stopped. You that sings praises to the idea of a world without The Walmart.

Yet you secretly buy George clothing, Hanes Her Way panties, and cheap ice cream.

You know who you are yet you hide in the darkness. Out in the light you protest and egg the sides of Walmart with the rest of the God fearing community. Yet, in the darkness, all alone, you wrap yourself in your cheap fabric and eat your dirty, half priced ice cream.

Dirty, Filthy Whore!

Yes, I’m talking about Jennifer….

I did a quick search on her blog to find damning evidence, to show my fellow Anti-Walmart League of Justice that she, indeed, is the Anti-Christ that the Anti-Walmart League has foreseen. Below is copied and pasted damning proof that she is a Walmart whore!

Wal-Mart…the Evil Empire

It frightens me to admit it, but I am becoming a Wal Mart shopper. I always held in great contempt, those folks that do all their shopping at Wal Mart. I was too proud, too socially conscious, completely aware every time I crossed the threshhold (how do you spell threshhold….is it thresh hold or thresh old? Why am I asking you, you probably don’t know either!!!) that I was condemning people in Bangladesh to a life of servitude to the Walton family.

But I have gradually had an epiphany and come to realize that, well, shit is cheaper there! For example, the pre packaged snacks that my children consume in massive quantities are half the price there. How can I justify shopping elsewhere?

Ultimately, ice cream is what caused me to cross over to the dark side. You see, my family is addicted to ice cream. I am actually thinking I may need to seek some kind of intervention, maybe a 12 step Ben and Jerry’s detox program for them. And ice cream at the grocery store is expensvie….$5.00 for 1/2 gallon that will last 2 days.

But at the evil empire, all varieties are around $2.50 per gallon. And they sell Wells Blue Bunny. And Good Humor soft scoopable ice cream, which Josh has declared the Official Ice Cream of the Brunner Family.

So there you go, I am now a Wal Mart shopper. All because of my family’s obssession with dairy products.

This was hard for me, as I care very deeply for Jennifer. However, it’s my civic duty…neigh, Righteous Responsibility, to out her to the Community so that we can take DRASTIC measures to save her soul.

Say a prayer for Jennifer, as she’s teetering towards Damnation and we, the Anti-Walmart League of Justice, are the only force that can free her soul from an eternity of Everyday Low, Low Prices.

Amen.

I did something today that I wasn’t proud of…

It wasn’t out of necessity, pleasure, or addiction.

I did it out of boredom.  And a great swell of shame is growing inside of my chest.

I cheated on Walmart today.  That glorious place that I publicly spit on and post multiple slanderous remarks about…I go there all the time.  Typically once or twice a week, at the very least.  I know, Jennifer, I’m sure you will launch a compaign to have me removed from my seat as Queen of the Anti-Walmart Federation and publicly shamed and flogged in the town square.  *sighs*.

But, moving on with my shame, I was in Saint Marys killing some time as I was waiting until 4pm so I could meet my mother and the rest of the clan at the hospital so we could all drive up to see Grandpa Sullivan while he’s still recovering from open heart surgery.  And I decided to venture into the relatively new Kroger store.  There isn’t a Kroger store around in this area at all so I’ve only been in a Kroger store once, maybe twice in my life.

I wasn’t super impressed with the store but I made my way through, looking for the Campbells Soup that comes in those microwavable cups.  Mike likes those for lunch.  So, I made my way through the store and purchased four of them and, on my way to the checkout line, there were some fruit snacky thingies which looked mighty tasty.  So I was checking out and, even with a dollar off coupon for my soups, it came to $14!!!!!  For four freaking cans of soup and a container of Fig Newtons?  FOR REAL?!

I double checked the receipt before heading out and, for the love of everything, that was the real price.  I mean, at Walmart (God Save Walmart From Its Evil Misdoings, Amen) the soups are $1.50 a piece.  At Kroger they are $2.69 a piece.  The Fig Newtons were $3.69 a box.

Fuck!

I’ve never really paid that close attention to prices because, well, I typically need the items that I’m purchasing.  There’s really no reason to bitch about the price.  But I thought $14 was outrageous for the amount of food I was getting!  Well, maybe you people in the big cities don’t think that’s too bad.  But we live in rural Ohio where we grow our own food, ride around in buggies, and have sex with our sisters.  Well, come on…only if they’re pretty.  We do have standards, Precious.

So, I’m taking a new stand:

Long Live The Walmart!

May it’s Stock Prices Soar and It’s Low Low Prices Plummit.

Amen. 

*Deactivates his email address so the hate mail will stop…peeaasseee, peeaassee stop!* 

So I was in Lima yesterday in the GHETTOS taking pictures for this house that my brother decided to insure.  And, by GHETTOS, I don’t mean crime ridden (at least I don’t think so, it was in daylight, so I wasn’t raped or anything like that…so it couldn’t be too bad!).  I mean…the houses, mostly, were all terrible.  I have craziness to show all of you.

This first picture, I kid you not, I stopped in the middle of the street to take this picture.  Because a) I had other things to do and b) because I was scared and I didn’t necessarily want to get out of my car.  However, just by looking at this house, you can tell that I was in the Gay Projects of Ohio.

Oh yea, and you HAVE to love the car parked on the lawn.  Sweetness!!!!!

Ohhh, and while taking pictures of the insured’s rental home, I stumbled upon this beauty.

If you didn’t notice the sweet roofing job, I used MS Paint to highlight the awesome patching job.  FYI, I decided on the color of the lines in homage of the Gay Projects of Ohio.

So, needless to say, I barely got out of the Gay Projects alive.

I’m sure that Walmart has something to do with this…just not quite sure yet on the connection yet… 

So, during my routine mission to uncover the homosexual agenda of Walmart yesterday, I decided to pick up some WD-40 because, as we all know, souls are best lubed and rust-free. So, I picked up some other miscellaneous items and get to the self-checkout line and was going along my merry way, checking the stuff out, when I scanned my two pack WD-40. The screen went mad, screaming “Approval Needed!!” I looked down, confused for a moment, thinking that I may have picked up some Boones Farm Wine instead of the lube in the automotive department (hey, it’s been known to happen to me once or twice!) and, yes, I did scan the WD-40. The elderly lady came by and *ACTUALLY* had me pull out my drivers license to verify that I, indeed, was over 18. I’m 26 :p.

I never asked the lady why they needed to verify that I was 18 years old, but I suspect that, while on the can it says that there’s 2,000 uses for WD-40, Wal-Mart has come up with 2,001 uses. And, knowing Wal-Mart, it’s a most dastardly and diabolical use…

So, it has been a couple of weeks since my fellow Anti-Walmart-Yet-Secretly-Lust-After-Its-Low-Low-Prices goons have had the lovely pleasure of reading about the destruction and leveling of Walmart.

My wicked, wicked plan was kicked off yesterday.  Phase One, also known as “Tickle This Bitch,” went off without a hitch and the dastardly Walmart’s website was brought to its knees for a brief period of time.  Yes, it was me that re-introduced the Elmo doll, unleashing it onto the unsuspecting masses.

Take a brief moment to look at my new Weapon of Mass Destruction and know that I, with this great and powerful tool, can not be stopped in my quest for World Domination.  First Walmart, then the WORLD!!!!!

On my previous posting someone replied, mentioning something called “War on Christmas.”  Of course, when I first heard of that phrase, I thought that it was the Elves revolting against Santa Claus.  However I did a quick search on Google and found something amusing and I wanted to blog about it.

If you want to read about it, you can read it from Media Matters.

So anyways, unless I’m missing something, I think that people are insane.  Seriously, all of the people are fucked up.

Are you seriously pitching a fit because some companies are not advertising “Merry Christmas” when you’re doing commercials?  I mean, while Christmas is is considered a Christian holiday (even though it was originally a pagan holiday, which is amusing, but anyways….), there are quite a few “heathens” that celebrate Christmas and the retailers don’t want to alienate them.  However, on the flip side, Christians would get upset if you started to take Jesus out of the Christmas holidays.

So, since most people consider Christmas a Christian holiday, I would think that retailers would offend less people if they said “Merry Christmas.”  Because, while not everyone are Christians, the masses consider Christmas to be a Christian-based holiday.  People almost expect to hear Merry Christmas during these times.

However, I think to knit-pick over either way to say “Merry Christmas” is a waste of breath.  Another small thing to fight about.  And the thought that it’s the Secular Progressive Agenda to push Jesus out of the spotlight to lead the way for drug legalization, gay marriage, and all of the other evils that the Christian Right are holding back from this country is, strangely, ridiculous.  Because that is the focus of all of these evil retailers.  Even though, if you watch the video on the website, it lists Walmart as a company that doesn’t mention anything about Merry Christmas.

And, since Walmart is all about the gays and baby killers, maybe they *are* right.

Walmart is out there to steal God right out of Christmas.

The Bastards! 

I didn’t even think that this was possible.

I mean, how is Walmart supposed to spread love, joy, and cheap knock-off clothing to the masses if they are denied entrance into a major city?!

I beg…no, plead…no, INSTRUCT! you to call the city council of San Diego, tell them the evils of their decision, and send me money!

Sure, the money has nothing to do with this cause.  But, really, I would benefit from it.  And that’s all that matters. 

I’ve been unhappy with the skin on my blog and what not just because the links were crazy hard to read.  I mean, dark pink on dark gray isn’t the best color choices.  However, maybe that was my intent all along.  For those of you that had issues reading the links, you would be forced to go to Walmart and buy one of their “Super Gay Items,” the Reading Glasses.

Yes, yes Precious.  My blog alone will create a huge surge for the reading glasses, causing Walmart’s financials to triple, which will cause them dump even more money into creating and marketing gay items and building more Activity Centers (aka whore houses) for The Gays.  *Evil Cackle and Rubs Hands Together All Sinister And Diabolical-Like*

And now that you all know my evil and twisted plans, I’m tracing all of your IP addresses and The Precious will hunts you, kills you, and feeds on you.  I’m sorry, but the plan must go off without a hitch, and I can’t afford the general public knowing…..

May Walmart and The Precious be praised.

Amen 

I’ve found a great tool for our protesting against Walmart and their gay items.

We should show this documentary outside of Walmart when we’re doing our protests.  It shows undeniable proof that homosexuals are just pervs.

tee hee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xq60eEW7Oso 

So, not related to the title of my post, work was freaking crazy today. I was freaking swamped during most of the day, dealing with weird and bizarre things that were going on. However, in the midst of this craziness, Mike called me to let me know that he was coming up from the Carolinas and would probably be home around 6:30 or 7. So, I was like, bonus. I then asked him if he was bringing me any pretties. He laughed and told me no. So I then proceeded to tell him how much I like my pretties and, if he really loved me, he would buy me some. He laughed again and said bye to me. So, since I was in the middle of mayhem, I didn’t give it much thought, as I give him hell all of the time ’cause he doesn’t buy me enough sparkles and bling.

So, I got home, let the dog out, fed her, and then called Mike to see where he was at ’cause I needed to know what I was doing for supper (aka him cooking or me fending for myself [aka depending on the kindness of strangers]). He didn’t answer his phone.

Damn

So, I made myself a couple salami sandwiches, a few cold pieces of pizza, and a cold piece of pumpkin pie that Mike made a couple of days ago. Sure, not the healthiest thing I could have whipped up, but I was tired, mentally burnt out, and, well, anyone that knows a little bit about me knows that I’m inherently lazy. So, those were the things that my little eyes spied when I opened the refrigerator door.

So anyways, after stuffing my face with a pseudo-nutritious meal, Mike gets home and tells me that he has my Christmas present and if he should give it to me now or sit it under the Christmas tree. Now, let me first take you back to when we first bought our house and had our first “Christmas Tree.” You can ask my sister-in-law about it; use the link on the right hand side to her blog. Of course, you’ll have to wait for her to stop pounding her head against the desk and, of course, after the brain surgery that will surely have to follow. *grins*.

So, our Christmas Tree is one of those outside plastic white trees. You know the ones that you’ve seen outside. The ones that are suspended by wires and all of that jazz. It takes 5 seconds to setup and plug in, it’s great!

I know, I know. It’s just…the artificial trees always look so damned, well, fake, and the real ones I have an issue with. I don’t see the point in killing something just for decoration that’ll be used for a month at most. And then disposing of it would be more hassle then it’s worth. And the needles all of the place and Zoie trying to eat it. So, the fake white Christmas Tree is our tree and it’s beautiful.

So anyways, back to Mike, I of course said now…because, well, I don’t really have any patience and I do love my pretties. So, I opened up an bag and it had Burberry cologne, which I LOVE! (which, FYI, is a funny story to go along with Burberry, but I’ll tell it later) So, I was excited by this. And then he handed me this wrapped box. So, I unwrapped it and opened it up and, hot damn, was a necklace! I was pretty damned excited ’cause my necklace that I wear now is, well, around 10 years old and it’s almost falling apart. And this one’s this real cute white gold one, very dainty, like me

So, anyways, afterwards Mike asked me why I didn’t put on the necklace. I told him I would do it tomorrow before going into work. Which he then said that I should do it now ’cause he “wants to see how great it looks on me.” Which, I had to correct him, “I make my bling look good, not the other way around.”

Silly boys anyways.

So, anyways, *OHHHH*

I almost forgot my Burberry story! You guys would have led hopeless and empty lives if I would have never told this to you! So, Mike (prior to getting me the cologne and necklace) was shopping around at the mall today and was in *laughs* JCPenny’s and asked them if they sold Burberry. *falls over laughing*. And, the sales lady looked at him and asked him if he was really serious. He, of course, not knowing what he was doing, said yes. She said that, no, they didn’t sell Burberry and that he would probably have to go to Columbus if he wanted to find it. I mean…it’s just so damned funny that a gay guy doesn’t know that Burberry, wherever it is hiding, would not be hiding in JcPennys. Sure, it would have been funnier if he would have went to Sears (because the softer side of Sears includes Burberry) or some place like that. hehe. But, for real? So then he was looking around for a cashmere sweater for me and apparently this mall didn’t have any of those either. Which, to be fair, it has to be a fairly ritzy mall to find a cashmere sweater for men.

I mean, it’s not like you can find it at Walmart, right Jennifer?

So anyways, on to some serious news.

I got a call from dad today telling me that they were going to do angioplasties on my Grandpa Sullivan for his heart last night. However, when they got in there, there was a lot more damage to his heart valve then what they originally thought. So, they weren’t able to do that. So now the doctors have to run some test and also look at the back of his heart to see about possibly doing open heart surgery. He had it done several years ago; they are now accessing if it’s worth the risk to go and do it again or to leave him how he is. *sighs*. I just hope that the doctors have the right knowledge to make the right decision on this one. Which I’m sure that they will; the cardiologists probably see this all of the time. It just makes me freaking nervous is all. So, everyone think of Grandpa for us!

Tomorrow evening we’ll be going over to Grandpa and Grandma Sullivan’s apartment to see them and also have a pseudo-Thanksgiving with them, since we’ll be having a Thanksgiving/Christmas party with them in two weeks with the Sullivan family. But, since we’re their only family in the immediate area, mom thought it would be nice to go over and visit them tomorrow evening. So, we’re gonna bring KFC (I think…or eat out, I’m not super sure. I hope not KFC…especially after the dreaded KFC Incident of 2002) over to their apartment.

Now, I know you’re all wondering about the dreaded KFC Incident of 2002. So, before I tell you this, you have to promise me, ok? Actually, two things:

1) Stop stuffing your face. No, I really mean it. Stomp chomping like it’s your last meal.

2) After I tell you this, you have to do either one of two things. Either:

a) Swear off KFC forever or;

b) Go out and order a super large bucket of extra crispy and eat the whole thing by yourself.

So, this tale is brief but very disturbing. Mike got KFC for us when we were living in Van Wert, OH in our apartment and brought it back to me, as I had much TV watching to absorb and my ass wasn’t gonna sit on the couch ALL by itself! So, I had the chicken and was eating it and thought to myself, “This chicken tastes kinda weird. The texture is kind of off and slimy.” So, me being hungry and absorbed in my TV, I took another bite or two. Then I looked down at my plate and it’s *SOAKED* in blood. My eyes got really big and I just stared at my plate, horrified by what I just put in my mouth. As you can guess, the blood came from the chicken, not by the ceiling that happened to have the Virgin Mary crying tears of blood for mankind. So, much to my surprise, I haven’t eaten at KFC since. And, I don’t think that I can bring myself to eating there again to be very honest.

I may have to call mom and ask her to pick me up something different, ’cause I’m not really sure I can cope with that, at least quite yet.

But, at the very least, it’ll be nice to see Grandma and Grandpa again