Mortgaging My Soul, Once Again

I found something SO disturbing and damning that I decided to walk in the tradition of my fellow bloggers that have outed the righteous to the world as the sick perverts that they are.

You know who you are. You that twirls around, screaming that Walmart is an abomination and needs to be stopped. You that sings praises to the idea of a world without The Walmart.

Yet you secretly buy George clothing, Hanes Her Way panties, and cheap ice cream.

You know who you are yet you hide in the darkness. Out in the light you protest and egg the sides of Walmart with the rest of the God fearing community. Yet, in the darkness, all alone, you wrap yourself in your cheap fabric and eat your dirty, half priced ice cream.

Dirty, Filthy Whore!

Yes, I’m talking about Jennifer….

I did a quick search on her blog to find damning evidence, to show my fellow Anti-Walmart League of Justice that she, indeed, is the Anti-Christ that the Anti-Walmart League has foreseen. Below is copied and pasted damning proof that she is a Walmart whore!

Wal-Mart…the Evil Empire

It frightens me to admit it, but I am becoming a Wal Mart shopper. I always held in great contempt, those folks that do all their shopping at Wal Mart. I was too proud, too socially conscious, completely aware every time I crossed the threshhold (how do you spell threshhold….is it thresh hold or thresh old? Why am I asking you, you probably don’t know either!!!) that I was condemning people in Bangladesh to a life of servitude to the Walton family.

But I have gradually had an epiphany and come to realize that, well, shit is cheaper there! For example, the pre packaged snacks that my children consume in massive quantities are half the price there. How can I justify shopping elsewhere?

Ultimately, ice cream is what caused me to cross over to the dark side. You see, my family is addicted to ice cream. I am actually thinking I may need to seek some kind of intervention, maybe a 12 step Ben and Jerry’s detox program for them. And ice cream at the grocery store is expensvie….$5.00 for 1/2 gallon that will last 2 days.

But at the evil empire, all varieties are around $2.50 per gallon. And they sell Wells Blue Bunny. And Good Humor soft scoopable ice cream, which Josh has declared the Official Ice Cream of the Brunner Family.

So there you go, I am now a Wal Mart shopper. All because of my family’s obssession with dairy products.

This was hard for me, as I care very deeply for Jennifer. However, it’s my civic duty…neigh, Righteous Responsibility, to out her to the Community so that we can take DRASTIC measures to save her soul.

Say a prayer for Jennifer, as she’s teetering towards Damnation and we, the Anti-Walmart League of Justice, are the only force that can free her soul from an eternity of Everyday Low, Low Prices.

Amen.

So, I have been empowered by my fellow blogger Jennifer to find the gay items at Walmart.  I have decided that, since my brother and I have to hit Walmart tomorrow to get some pop for the agency that we work at, we will have to take a few moments to note and photograph these gay items.  And, dare I say it, we will not rest until we find the gay items.  Or 5 minutes, as I have ADD and really hot shoes that aren’t made for walking.  So, we will not rest, sleep, or eat until we find these items and show the world the family-orientated power-lusting company Walmart loves ‘em gays and have turned their backs on the Christian Pro-Family Culture.  (FYI, they’ve lowered the prices of several electronics here lately.  If you’re looking for a super fantabulous (not fabulous, fantabulous) gift for me, I would like a flat screen HDD TV.  Thank you, pease.)

So, yes Precious, I started my search…no, my quest..neigh, my jihad to find the gay items at Walmart.  This Holiest of Wars has been started this evening my brothers and sisters by searching online for any signs, clues, or boldfaced, capitalized items showing that, indeed, Walmart has forsaken us Precious.  And, I found a website which, while it did not state what Walmart was selling in particular, shows that a Christian group, the Operation Rescue/Operation Save America, will be wanting their members and Christians from all around to boycott Walmart starting the day after Thanksgiving.  Surely, one would think that starting immediately would be more effective.  But, starting it the day after Thanksgiving, the Holiest of all Shopping Days…someone there has a flare for the dramatic.  By the gods, The Gays must have infected that group as well.  Walmart must be destroyed!  (No, seriously, click on the past Walmart link and buy me that damned TV!!)

Ok, seriously though…I actually took a minute to look at this group’s website.  And, honestly, I have to say…I’m floored.  While I can’t wrap my mind around being that horrified that a company donates to gays, I can understand that they would be upset since gays are so horrid, molest little children, and shake their tight, hot asses well on the dance floor.  However, this lil’ snippet made me laugh.

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Wal-Mart also gave a generous cash donation to the Northwest Arkansas Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center, helping to provide a place where homosexuals can come together to “socialize.”

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And socialize was in parentheses, which I found humerus.  ‘Cause, what, gay community centers are a den of sick and twisted orgies?  *sighs*.  That ranks right up there with the gay mafia.  How in the *HELL* does this information get leaked out to the straights.  Damn Will and Grace, they have taught you all way too much about our hidden agendas and culture.  You all will wake up one day with bad perms, designer knockoff panties, and morning breath.  You shall be crippled, crippled I tell you!!  *waves fists wildly*

So, yes, stay tuned tomorrow, same time, same channel, for the news-breaking details on Walmart:  God Fearing Company or Child Molesters?