Mortgaging My Soul, Once Again

I've come to a revelation today, and I'm here right now to speak Truth to you all.  So, put on your Listening Ears (as Judge Judy always says) and you may wanna get the dryer primed and ready, 'cause your panties will be sopping wet after you hear this stunning revelation:

People, as a whole, are inherently stupid and you need to be a bitch to get what you want out of them.

Now that I have uttered Truth and the Gospel, you may now shower me with presents, kisses, money offerings, and, if you're feeling saucy, a hand job would be great.

However, after the hand job, you may be left wondering:

That was fantastic Insight into the workings of man and the universe, Casey.  What event, besides you being all knowing and hot, led you to this revelation?

And so, after sitting you down and getting $5 from you to get myself a yummy mocha, I tell you this lovely tale of woe, hardship, and bitch slaps.

So, this past January Mike and myself met up with this lawyer that was referred to us by our gay couple friends that live in Lima.  They loved her, they loved the gays, and everything was bright and happy in the world.  Well, fan-freaking-tabulous, lets setup a date and we'll go over a few things with her.  Since we're not allowed to get married, we wanted to make sure that we were protected as far as being clear who gets what and also get power of attorny/living wills made up so that, if something would happen to one of us, we would be able to make decisions for each other.

So, we met her in January, told her what we wanted, then we went back there in a week or so, went over the completed paperwork, signed our souls away, and what not, and she said that she would just do some final touches to it and would send out the paperwork to us along with an invoice.  Well, super fantastic.

So, anyways, last month I was talking to Mike and it struck me that, hey, we still haven't received anything from the lawyer.  So, I empowered Mike to call the lawyer and see what's going on.  Well, he got in touch with her and apparently the stuff was lost in the mail, she assumed we got it and everything.  Ok, I can buy that, even though one would think that, after almost a year of not getting paid, one would assume you would be getting antsy over it.  But, that's just me; I like money.  So, she said that she would resend the paperwork and the invoice and call us in a couple of days to make sure that we got it.  Peachy.

So, two days ago I was like, ok, we still don't have it.  I'm taking charge, and I'm unleashing The Bitch, may the gods have mercy on everyone.  So, I called her in the evening at the office, just to leave a voicemail with her.  I just told her who I was, what I'm asking for, and asked her to call me back to get it resolved.  I waited until around 11am the next day, still nothing, so I called her again.  No one answered, went straight to voicemail...and then it said that the voicemail was full.

Fuck

So, I then proceeded to try faxing her a letter, telling her I want my shit or I'm filing a complaint.   The line for the fax has been disconnected.

Fuck

So, I used my super gay detective powers (yes, it actually does exist...however, us gays typically use it to find good deals on super cute shoes or Roll Back Prices at Walmart on the Gay Items) to find her home phone number.  I looked at the county auditor's website, pulled up the property card for her office.  I found what town she lived in and did a phone directory search for her in that town.  No Dice.  So, I then did a reverse address search on her and got her phone number.

Sweet Billy

So, I called the number, got this guy.  I assumed it was her husband, and, strangely I was correct.  I asked for our lawyer, he asked who I was.  I was like...uhhh...I asked first!  So, I told him I was a client of hers.  He then kinda stumbled around and said, "No she's not, have you tried her at the office?"  No, of course I didn't.  I was just feeling extra saucy and tried to track her down at home during the middle of the day because, as we know, lawyers don't work regular 9-5 hours.  *sighs*.  I told him that, yes, I did try to call, but the voicemail box was full.  He then explained to me that she no longer lived there, they separated a couple of months ago.  So, I THEN asked if he had an alternative number for her, maybe even a cell phone, so that I can get in touch with her.

Dumb Ass

He then told me, and I swear he was lieing, that he didn't know where she is currently living at and didn't have her new living address phone number.  However, he told me that she is working part time at the Allen County Law Library, and I can probably reach her there now.  So, I call the law library, and of course, I get an answering machine.

Bloody Freaking Hell

However, apparently the gods decided to give me a freebee and she called me back.

Happy freaking day!

So, she said that she was putting the stuff in the envelope and was going to be mailing it out later that day.  I told her that was great and wonderful, but I wanted her to put tracking on it.  Which, I didn't find unreasonable to ask, since apparently the shit has been lost, not once, but twice, by the United States Postal Service.  Which, I don't buy.  But, anyways, to continue on.  She then did the thing that I *HATE* beyond anything in the world.

She did this half whine shit with me.  "But that costs more to send."

If I could have, I would have spun around several times to gain momentum to slap her as hard as I could.  Because, for real, if you're going to whine to me about adding on an expense of 1.50 or whatever so that I can, at the very least, make sure that you're sending the stupid piece of shit to me, then we have a serious problem.

I can wrap my mind around the fact that it was lost the first time you sent it.  But, the second time was freaking ridiculous that we didn't get it.  And, to give you a third try and politely ask for you to put tracking on it and you *WHINE* to me about the extra cost?!!?!?!?!?!?!  I almost went into a fucking rage at this woman.

However, I pulled it together for a moment and told her, "Well, we haven't paid you for all of your work, correct?" (Mike gave her a "down payment" 'cause he felt bad...not sure why)

"Well, yes."

"Well, then tack on the extra $1.50 to our invoice and I'll pay you for it.  I don't care.  I just want it on there so that we can make sure to get it."

I get it that it'll cost more, the United States Postal Service is not a foreign entity to me; I go into our local Post Office every freaking day.  However, that's the cost of doing business.  And, if you want to bill me for it because I specifically asked for it, then freaking fantastic!  But don't WHINE to me!  I hate people that whine.  I mean, I love people that bitch and complain, don't get me wrong.  I bitch and complain all of the time, as you can tell.  However, I HATE whiny people.  When they start getting that nasal voice going I just want to reach out and beat you.  If you're gonna bitch about something, be either a man or a drama queen, not a little bitch.

No, needless to say, we strangely got the will and power of attorney paperwork today.  Strange how all of that works when you actually mail it...