Mortgaging My Soul, Once Again

So I just walked in the door from my grandparent's Christmas Shingding.

Or shall we call it Shenanigan.

Yes, I think that's more appropriate.

*screams loudly in my head*

I made a post a couple of weeks ago titled, "The Sound Of 10,000 Children Screaming." I thought that I knew what that truly meant.

However, I was strangely wrong. O' so wrong, Precious.

There are 6 young kids in the family. And, I bet you that not a one was pleased this evening save Jocelyn, but she's only a couple of months old and she sleeps all the damned time. I do like my quiet and I'm *totally* not used to having this amount of children running around, screaming and jumping on top of each other, crying, etc. *shudders*

I should have brought my Vicodin. I forgot it at home...bastards!

One of them is especially precious. He loves Spiderman. He *IS* Spiderman and everyone else is the Green Goblin. He came after me a couple of times, hitting me and kicking me. Note that I didn't say kicking *at* me, kicking me. Now while this would be amusing if the kid was two, he's 4 with hard shoes. It actually started to hurt. Of course, about this time, his parents were too busy screaming at each other because, and I could be wrong, stole some food from him. I mean, there's plenty of food there, but she stole his food from his plate. Let you ladies remember that you do *NOT* come between our family and food. You will be destroyed, no questions asked.

So, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, she was mortified and was trying to get the kids' coats on to leave to save some of her dignity, you have Spiderman running around, kicking people, telling them that they're "Butt Cracks" and "Pee Holes," punching them, spitting on them. Oh yes, and he was "Cigarette Man," where he shot cigarettes at you. And then he was "Fire Man" and sprayed fire on you. Apparently he wanted people to die of cigarette burns.

And, if that was only it, I would think to myself, "Ohhh, typical family function!!" But of course you mix in the constant screaming, crying, and what not...OHHH!!! I forgot the most Precious of all things.

Spiderman got his gift from his great-grandparents (my grandparents). It was this small mini-lunch box thingy that had Spiderman on it. It wasn't much, granted, but hey, he's four. You just don't spend that much on little kids. But, anyways, he was fucking LIVID! He started screaming that all he got was this stupid box, started hitting it, and then threw it across the room. Sweet fucking Jesus. Of course, mommy kicks in at this point and takes him into the kitchen where, I assume, she gives him a sound thrashing. I don't recall at this point, as I'm whimpering softly to myself and kicking my own ass for not bringing my Vicodin. I even got to a point where I turned to my mother, who is on anti-depresents, if she brought her emergency supply (as I know she actually has some on her). She cried softly and said that they are on her key rings and, unfortunately, she didn't drive.

Fuck.

So I made it through 4 hours of pure and utter insanity and physical brutality.

And not even the good kind. Feel SOORRRRRYYYY for me, pease!!!!

I called my parents after posting about my sister to ask them what to do with Brandi's present, as it was still at my parent's house when I left.  The funny thing was that Brandi was there when I called.  Apparently she was sick this morning and, strangely enough, didn't feel it appropriate to call us to let us know that she wouldn't be coming.  Well, I don't really buy that story, more along the lines of, "I just over slept."

Which is much more boring than, "I will not give you any money and I'm a bad daughter."

I liked it more when it was more dramatic.  But, at the very least, everything worked out ok and no one hates anyone.

Today.

We'll see how we all feel tomorrow.

So I'm back home from mom and dad's for Christmas morning and it was lovely.  Everything I got I liked (the sweater was quasi-questionable, I'll have to try it on to see if it looks right on me...but that's better then most years!) and it was a good time held by all.

Except one lil' thing that happened.  Or what didn't happen.

Brandi, my sister, never showed up.

Dad called her the other night to remind her about the gathering and everything, yet, come 8am, she didn't show up.  We were supposed to start at 7:30.

Dad tried calling her on her phone but got her voicemail.  At first thought you would think that, like all of God's creatures is supposed to be doing, she was still sleeping.  However, the tale takes a dark turn.

Brandi apparently is in debt to my parents for her cell phone.  When she moved out it turned out to be cheaper to add a line to my parents' cell phone plan versus her trying to get one for herself or having a landline (which she doesn't have).  She has no credit and, I do believe, it would be impossible for her to get one of her own.  Well, my lovely sister kept on downloading ringtones and games, which constantly ended up being around a 100 a month in extras.  She even started to browse the internet with it, which adds an insane amount to the bill.  So dad added on unlimited internet.  Then this guy kept on texting her and sent several hundred to her in one month.  And, without unlimited texting, that's a HUGE per-use fee!  So dad added on unlimited texting.  Then, of course, she stopped being able to pay for these several hundred phone charges.  So then started asking for like $60 a month until she was caught up.  However, it's hard to catch up when you keep on adding a $100 or so a month to the bill with games and ringtones.  I mean, *I* don't know that many people to give them specific ringtones.  Surely she doesn't!

So, while talking to Brandi, he told her a) I need my $60 bucks and b) your brothers are buying you presents, you're pretty much expected to buy for them.

Now, last Christmas we didn't get anything from Brandi.  Which is fine, just tell us in advance so that we don't spend $100 (combined from the both of us) so that we can at least scale it back.  Not that necessarily because we're selfish (well, we are, but...), but because it doesn't make the *other* person look like a jackass that they didn't get you anything and another person spends a nice chunk of change on you.

I can grasp the fact that she doesn't have a shit load of extra change laying around.  Hell, I've been there.  So Travis, Jess, and I discussed it and decided to scale it back this Christmas and spend like $40 combined on her so that, even if she doesn't get anything for us, she'll have something and she won't feel like a complete heel.  So, we ended up buying her $40 worth of bath and body stuff (which is like, 2-3 tubes hehe) and we thought that was fair.  Hell, if she would have told us that, "hey, i can't afford christmas this year." we may have decided not to get each other anything for Christmas, whatever she was most comfortable with.

Well, I still would have gotten her something, as everyone should get *something* for Christmas, even if it wasn't much.

But to not even show up?!  I think that hurt dad, he was not pleased to say the least.  He was threatening to turn off her cell phone tomorrow and was talking about taking back her Christmas presents.

Personally I think that we'll give Brandi our gift.  I mean, it was $40 combined, and everyone *should* get something for Christmas.  I dunno, I'll have to talk to Jess and Travis about it first, as it's their gift too.

It's just sad that something like money kept the whole family apart this year.  Just sad. 

Sweet Jesus.

Fuck the Lexus, Snookie. *THIS* right here would make this holiday the December To Remember.

*drools*

So, I'm not sure if I'll be able to post tomorrow with all of the family stuff going on, So...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

So I bit the bullet today and I bought Mike's Christmas present.  He's always so damned hard to buy for because he never wants anything.

Except for love and affection.

And we ALL know that I will never do that.  Neva!

Amen.

But, anyways, one of his favorite movies is Steel Magnolias.  So I noticed in the mail the other month that, in January, one of the local theaters is doing the play.  And it's one of those nice ones where they have supper beforehand and then the lovely showing.  So, I got two tickets for that and also two nights in a penthouse.  I felt guilty about spending all of that money, all in all it was a wee over $400 bucks.  However, I'm rationalizing it because I'll also use this as his Christmas gift *AND* also our 5 year anniversary present, which is in January.

He'll be tickled, I know he will be.

*does a dance*

I love it when I think of the perfect gift without people's suggestions 

So, I get home from work and I was flipping through the mail when I noticed that I got a card. I opened it up and it was a Christmas card from my aunt Jen and uncle Scott. Not thinking anything of it, I put it aside and noticed a similar envelope. I opened it up and, behold, it was a separate Christmas card for Mike from my aunt Jen and uncle Scott.

It stunned me for a couple moments just because of it being so ODD!

And then I was mildly offended. I mean, not to the point where I would probably ever say anything, but what, you don't consider us "together" so you have to send us separate cards? I mean, who else sends out Christmas cards to the individuals versus the family members?

I'll totally have to call my momma and Jess and see if my aunt did this to them as well or if I'm just "special."

And I also have to lookup on how to make punch. Because apparently that's what I'm bringing to the employee Christmas party tomorrow.

What? I told you guys before, I'm kitchen handicapped.

Love me 'cause I'm pretty, not "learned" in the kitchen!

On my previous posting someone replied, mentioning something called "War on Christmas."  Of course, when I first heard of that phrase, I thought that it was the Elves revolting against Santa Claus.  However I did a quick search on Google and found something amusing and I wanted to blog about it.

If you want to read about it, you can read it from Media Matters.

So anyways, unless I'm missing something, I think that people are insane.  Seriously, all of the people are fucked up.

Are you seriously pitching a fit because some companies are not advertising "Merry Christmas" when you're doing commercials?  I mean, while Christmas is is considered a Christian holiday (even though it was originally a pagan holiday, which is amusing, but anyways....), there are quite a few "heathens" that celebrate Christmas and the retailers don't want to alienate them.  However, on the flip side, Christians would get upset if you started to take Jesus out of the Christmas holidays.

So, since most people consider Christmas a Christian holiday, I would think that retailers would offend less people if they said "Merry Christmas."  Because, while not everyone are Christians, the masses consider Christmas to be a Christian-based holiday.  People almost expect to hear Merry Christmas during these times.

However, I think to knit-pick over either way to say "Merry Christmas" is a waste of breath.  Another small thing to fight about.  And the thought that it's the Secular Progressive Agenda to push Jesus out of the spotlight to lead the way for drug legalization, gay marriage, and all of the other evils that the Christian Right are holding back from this country is, strangely, ridiculous.  Because that is the focus of all of these evil retailers.  Even though, if you watch the video on the website, it lists Walmart as a company that doesn't mention anything about Merry Christmas.

And, since Walmart is all about the gays and baby killers, maybe they *are* right.

Walmart is out there to steal God right out of Christmas.

The Bastards! 

So Sayeth The Lord.

Amen.

Ugh, I really hate Mike's family sometimes.

So, I asked him, yet AGAIN, about what he wants to do about my family and florida.  He gets one week off for vacation and I have two weeks scheduled for this coming year.  One week to go to Virginia Beach with my best friend Melissa and one week to go with my parents to Orlando, Florida.  So, I asked him about this yet again for the HUNDREDTH time and yet he still can't answer me what vacation he wants to go on.  I then asked him about Christmas Eve at my Grandma and Grandpa Pond's place (they typically have a Christmas Eve thingy and then also a Christmas Afternoon luncheon.  The Christmas Eve is the informal whoever can come comes and the Christmas Afternoon *EVERYONE* goes to).  So, he didn't know, as his family never tells him anything about what's going on with the holidays.  So, he calls them this evening and, I swear to God, if I heard the phone conversation I would have killed his whole family with the flick of my wrists.

Boom.  All Dead.

Now, before I go into this, they've *ALWAYS* done Christmas the Sunday after Christmas for as long as I've been with Mike, which is 5 years.  So, going with tradition, I assumed that they would be doing it this year as well.

So, Mike gets off the phone and tells me that he can go Christmas Eve.  He then mentions that they are having their Christmas celebration on Christmas.

Then the punch line:

"Because that's the best time for everyone to get together."

Stop.  Wait a fucking second.

When did everyone not include us?  Since Mike was never even CONSULTED about a time/date, apparently we don't fucking matter.

And of course this means that we have to spend Christmas separated, which really fucking pisses me off.  He'll be able to go over to my parents for Christmas morning but he wont' be able to come over to my grandparents for the big Christmas shing-ding.

Fucking Cunts.

I mean, for it to work out best for everyone except us but, because we're in the minority, they have to do it anyways then, that's fine.   But to not even ASK or INFORM us that there was even a vote going on???  I'm fucking pissed.

And then Mike had the gull to ask me, "So I'm assuming that I'll be going to my parent's alone?"

Yea, and you may be packing up your shit and moving there too, bitch.

So then, as I'm unleashing my inner bitch and waving it high with pride, he asked me, "Well, what do you want me to do?"

What I WANT you to do is to tell your family that they're inconsiderate bastards and that, due to not even asking us, you're make me to spend the majority of Christmas alone you cunts.  However, because I'm the NICE one, I told him, "Well apparently there's nothing that can be done, I would just like to be able to spend Christmas with you."

God damn it.  Christmas is supposed to be about family, not spending it alone.

Fuckers.

I can't tell him to stay home instead of going over there as that's completely selfish and also because he rarely sees his family as they're 2 hours away.  I just wish that they realize that, strangely enough, we're affected by their plans and I would rather not spend Christmas laying on the couch, touching my dog Zoie inappropriately because Mike isn't here to touch. 

So, the past couple of days I've been MIA, but for good reason, I assure you.

Wednesday we all went to Grandma and Grandpa Sullivan's apartment for the pseudu-Thanksgiving celebration.  I called mom beforehand and asked her, for the love of everything, not to get KFC chicken.  Or, at the very least, tell me that they're getting KFC so that I can get something else to eat.  Because, as I mentioned before, I still have flashbacks of the KFC incident of 2002.  However, much to my delight, mom was getting Lee's chicken.  And, while I've never had Lee's, I guessed that it had to be less bloody.  Which, after eating a couple pieces, I was pleased to find out that I was correct.

After eating, we spent about an hour or so talking with everyone.  I've been really enjoying visiting with Grandma and Grandpa Sullivan.  And, strangely enough, they've been really happy with Mike and I.  I was actually kind of worried that they would not approve and shun Mike as they are conservative Southern Baptists.  However, they even made mention to Mom later that evening after we left that they really liked Mike and were glad that Mike felt comfortable to come back to their apartment.   So, another person that likes Mike better then me....sweet.

So, Thanksgiving Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful.  I went to Grandma and Grandpa Pond's place, as usual, for lunch.  Mike went over to his family's for Thanksgiving, so I didn't even really see him that day.  I was probably at the grandparents for about 4 hours.  I spent most of the time chatting with family and making my Christmas list and checking it twice, trying to find out who was naughty so I can figure out who gets the best gifts hehe.  I needed to get my list together for my special Day After holiday.  The most joyous of days...

So after Thanksgiving I go over to the Moeller's to go over the flyers and specials and to strategize who's going where.  For the amateurs out there that have never done this, you have to have a battle plan with multiple points of attack in order to survive Black Friday and to get the best deals.  Melissa's mother and father had Meijers, Jackie (Melissa's sister) and their cousin, Jenny, had Walmart and Menards, and Melissa and I had OfficeDepot and Elder-Beerman.  Sweetness.

As people can tell you, I love my Day After holiday.  It's my Christmas.  I don't go shopping for the deals; I go there for the experience, the hunt, and the craziness that surely ensues.  And this year I wasn't disappointed.  I went to bed at 9:30 as I had to get up at 4:00AM.  And, precious, it didn't work out quite the way I wanted it to.

I laid in bed from 9:30 until 2:30AM, tossing and turning, thinking of the joyous shopping that will be happening shortly.  Unable to sleep, I took a shower and got around, praying to the gods for a wonderful and freeing shopping experience that I can tell my grandchildren.  I got to the Moeller's house 3:15AM with no sleep; yet looking so pretty.

Melissa and I hit the shops hard, throwing our credit cards around like no body's business.  By the time that we hit the first shop at 5:00AM, my mind had this weird fuzzy feeling and I had some problems concentrating.  As you can imagine, it only got worse.  I was walking around the rest of the day like a zombie, trying to focus on the prize.  Near the end of the shopping experience I don't really remember.  I just remember whipping out my credit card a lot *laughs*.  When we got back home (FYI, I wasn't driving, which probably gives you and all pedestrians relief) and had a 3 hour super-power nap, I looked at my spoils and was pleased with my spoils.

I got about $70 worth of Bath & Body for $30 bucks, $6 rolls of wrapping paper for $2 each, a fleece throw that was originally $40 for $10, and a couple other odds and ends pretty cheap.  So I was very pleased with the shopping experience.  I just wish that I was more coherent to remember some of it hehe 

So, not related to the title of my post, work was freaking crazy today. I was freaking swamped during most of the day, dealing with weird and bizarre things that were going on. However, in the midst of this craziness, Mike called me to let me know that he was coming up from the Carolinas and would probably be home around 6:30 or 7. So, I was like, bonus. I then asked him if he was bringing me any pretties. He laughed and told me no. So I then proceeded to tell him how much I like my pretties and, if he really loved me, he would buy me some. He laughed again and said bye to me. So, since I was in the middle of mayhem, I didn't give it much thought, as I give him hell all of the time 'cause he doesn't buy me enough sparkles and bling.

So, I got home, let the dog out, fed her, and then called Mike to see where he was at 'cause I needed to know what I was doing for supper (aka him cooking or me fending for myself [aka depending on the kindness of strangers]). He didn't answer his phone.

Damn

So, I made myself a couple salami sandwiches, a few cold pieces of pizza, and a cold piece of pumpkin pie that Mike made a couple of days ago. Sure, not the healthiest thing I could have whipped up, but I was tired, mentally burnt out, and, well, anyone that knows a little bit about me knows that I'm inherently lazy. So, those were the things that my little eyes spied when I opened the refrigerator door.

So anyways, after stuffing my face with a pseudo-nutritious meal, Mike gets home and tells me that he has my Christmas present and if he should give it to me now or sit it under the Christmas tree. Now, let me first take you back to when we first bought our house and had our first "Christmas Tree." You can ask my sister-in-law about it; use the link on the right hand side to her blog. Of course, you'll have to wait for her to stop pounding her head against the desk and, of course, after the brain surgery that will surely have to follow. *grins*.

So, our Christmas Tree is one of those outside plastic white trees. You know the ones that you've seen outside. The ones that are suspended by wires and all of that jazz. It takes 5 seconds to setup and plug in, it's great!

I know, I know. It's just...the artificial trees always look so damned, well, fake, and the real ones I have an issue with. I don't see the point in killing something just for decoration that'll be used for a month at most. And then disposing of it would be more hassle then it's worth. And the needles all of the place and Zoie trying to eat it. So, the fake white Christmas Tree is our tree and it's beautiful.

So anyways, back to Mike, I of course said now...because, well, I don't really have any patience and I do love my pretties. So, I opened up an bag and it had Burberry cologne, which I LOVE! (which, FYI, is a funny story to go along with Burberry, but I'll tell it later) So, I was excited by this. And then he handed me this wrapped box. So, I unwrapped it and opened it up and, hot damn, was a necklace! I was pretty damned excited 'cause my necklace that I wear now is, well, around 10 years old and it's almost falling apart. And this one's this real cute white gold one, very dainty, like me :)

So, anyways, afterwards Mike asked me why I didn't put on the necklace. I told him I would do it tomorrow before going into work. Which he then said that I should do it now 'cause he "wants to see how great it looks on me." Which, I had to correct him, "I make my bling look good, not the other way around."

Silly boys anyways.

So, anyways, *OHHHH*

I almost forgot my Burberry story! You guys would have led hopeless and empty lives if I would have never told this to you! So, Mike (prior to getting me the cologne and necklace) was shopping around at the mall today and was in *laughs* JCPenny's and asked them if they sold Burberry. *falls over laughing*. And, the sales lady looked at him and asked him if he was really serious. He, of course, not knowing what he was doing, said yes. She said that, no, they didn't sell Burberry and that he would probably have to go to Columbus if he wanted to find it. I mean...it's just so damned funny that a gay guy doesn't know that Burberry, wherever it is hiding, would not be hiding in JcPennys. Sure, it would have been funnier if he would have went to Sears (because the softer side of Sears includes Burberry) or some place like that. hehe. But, for real? So then he was looking around for a cashmere sweater for me and apparently this mall didn't have any of those either. Which, to be fair, it has to be a fairly ritzy mall to find a cashmere sweater for men.

I mean, it's not like you can find it at Walmart, right Jennifer? :)

So anyways, on to some serious news.

I got a call from dad today telling me that they were going to do angioplasties on my Grandpa Sullivan for his heart last night. However, when they got in there, there was a lot more damage to his heart valve then what they originally thought. So, they weren't able to do that. So now the doctors have to run some test and also look at the back of his heart to see about possibly doing open heart surgery. He had it done several years ago; they are now accessing if it's worth the risk to go and do it again or to leave him how he is. *sighs*. I just hope that the doctors have the right knowledge to make the right decision on this one. Which I'm sure that they will; the cardiologists probably see this all of the time. It just makes me freaking nervous is all. So, everyone think of Grandpa for us!

Tomorrow evening we'll be going over to Grandpa and Grandma Sullivan's apartment to see them and also have a pseudo-Thanksgiving with them, since we'll be having a Thanksgiving/Christmas party with them in two weeks with the Sullivan family. But, since we're their only family in the immediate area, mom thought it would be nice to go over and visit them tomorrow evening. So, we're gonna bring KFC (I think...or eat out, I'm not super sure. I hope not KFC...especially after the dreaded KFC Incident of 2002) over to their apartment.

Now, I know you're all wondering about the dreaded KFC Incident of 2002. So, before I tell you this, you have to promise me, ok? Actually, two things:

1) Stop stuffing your face. No, I really mean it. Stomp chomping like it's your last meal.

2) After I tell you this, you have to do either one of two things. Either:

a) Swear off KFC forever or;

b) Go out and order a super large bucket of extra crispy and eat the whole thing by yourself.

So, this tale is brief but very disturbing. Mike got KFC for us when we were living in Van Wert, OH in our apartment and brought it back to me, as I had much TV watching to absorb and my ass wasn't gonna sit on the couch ALL by itself! So, I had the chicken and was eating it and thought to myself, "This chicken tastes kinda weird. The texture is kind of off and slimy." So, me being hungry and absorbed in my TV, I took another bite or two. Then I looked down at my plate and it's *SOAKED* in blood. My eyes got really big and I just stared at my plate, horrified by what I just put in my mouth. As you can guess, the blood came from the chicken, not by the ceiling that happened to have the Virgin Mary crying tears of blood for mankind. So, much to my surprise, I haven't eaten at KFC since. And, I don't think that I can bring myself to eating there again to be very honest.

I may have to call mom and ask her to pick me up something different, 'cause I'm not really sure I can cope with that, at least quite yet.

But, at the very least, it'll be nice to see Grandma and Grandpa again :)