Jealousy and Crack Cocaine
So, you're all wondering, "What's up with the title of this post?" Quite simple really, let me explain.
So, I woke up this morning and called the doctor's office and spoke with one of the nurses. She asked me how I was doing, I told her that I was as high as a kite, doing pretty good, blah blah blah. So, she wanted me to make an appointment for next week to do a follow up appointment (good idea) and then said that she wanted me to pee in a urine strainer to catch any of the kidney stone(s). Ok, why they didn't give it to me when I was there was really beyond me. So, my car is still at work and I'm drugged outa my mind with vicodine (yea vicodine!!), so it's probably not a good idea for me to drive :). So, I asked them if someone else can pick it up for me 'cause I'm high and no car. She said that someone could. So, I decided that I needed someone to pick it up as soon as possible so that, well, I can pee. *chuckles*. So, I called Jess (since the excitement in her life generally revolves around a new episode of Oprah hehe) to see if she can run to the doctor's office for me and pick up my sweet urine strainer. And, of course, she jumped up for joy to do this for me *grins*.
So, I'm peeing in this urine strainer constantly today. So far today (and I'm totally not done), I've drank over a gallon of water and working on my first Pepsi (I seriously needed something more then water!!). So, literally, I'm peeing every 20 minutes...it's really getting annoying. However, I don't feel any pain at the end of my winky (the scientific term for it, ya' know...) like what I was earlier today. So, I'm thinking that I passed the stone...however, it was never caught in the strainer. So, I'm thinking that I passed it prior to getting the strainer. However, I'll continue using the strainer and drinking lots of water until the doctor's visit on Tuesday. I'm just not sure how much more of this constant drinking and peeing I can do before losing my mind :). So, yes, that covers the jealousy part. 'Cause, as we all know, everyone wants to be me right now. I mean, who wouldn't?
Now, for the crack cocaine bit. I called Melissa to see how she was doing and to let her know that, yes, I was still alive and kicking. And Melissa is a lawyer and was working on a case and she didn't have enough information on a case and requested additional info to be sent from the court. Well, she got the information that she requested and a lil' bonus. There was a stash of crack cocaine in it. I asked her if it was some sort of bribe *chuckles* but that was the type of case that she was working on. Somehow the evidence ended up with the case file though *smirks*. So, they called the court that it was sent from and told them that they needed to come pick it up. Well, they sugested just to send it back in the mail to them. Uhhmmm, helllooooo...last time I checked, it's illegal to send illegal drugs through the mail! So, the court had to drive all of the way here to pick it up and take it back. I just found that really amusing. I guess there are perks to being a lawyer after all! I mean, I thought the perk was selling your soul to the devil...apparently even I'm wrong some of the times :).
So, tomorrow I'm gonna lay off of the drugs so that I can have Mike drive me to work so that I can get my car back. I'm just not super comfortable leaving it at work over the weekend, even though it's in a garage. So, while I'm there I'm gonna catch up on a few things and head back home and relax for the weekend...I'm sure my winky will appreciate it.
Today I did quite a bit for being laid up. While waiting for Jess to bring me my urine strainer, I walked to the post office (a couple of blocks away, nothing super crazy) to get the mail for the agency and also did three loads of laundry. When Jess brought over the strainer I gave her a package of the dark chocolate M&M's and the new Victoria Secret catalog that I got in the mail today (what...you don't know me!). I think that she was expecting her payment to be vicodine *chuckles*. However, and I know it's silly 'cause I'll never get caught, on the slim chance that I would get caught, I don't wanna be violating a federal law. Even though I hear that the federal prisons are pretty swank. And I prolly would be the hottest bitch in there. Hrrmm...well, as long as I can whore myself out to the inmates for vicodine, maybe federal prison wouldn't be so bad :)
