Mortgaging My Soul, Once Again

I just saw on Yahoo that Saddam Hussein has been executed. I was stunned. Not that he was executed or anything, but how swiftly it happened. I mean, it takes DECADES over here i the US to get someone executed after they are sentenced and found guilty. I checked the article I referenced and it looks like it took them 56 days. Less then two months. Wow.

I mean, typically I would be really upset over this type of thing, being so quick with the rope and what not to execute the guy. However, it's not your typical murder trial where there's all of this evidence and it could be tampered with, made up, etc etc. I mean, hello, the whole world knew he was fucked up and needed kicked in the nuts for his crimes against humanity. And it's not like he just killed one, two, or 100 people. He was probably responsible for a greater amount of lives that live in our hometown of Rockford (1,300 people). It's not like there was a question about the evidence and what he has actually done. I mean, that would be like questioning Hitler's conviction, if he stayed alive long enough to be found, tried, and convicted.

And some people don't like the fact that he was executed at all, wishing that he was put into prison for life. *shrugs*. I remember being on a debate team in history class in middle school and life sentence/execution was the debate. I was on the "We should kill the bastards" side. One of the people on the "Live, Damn It, Live!" side stated that, due to the appeals process and the government paying for it, not the individual, and due to the length of the process, that it typically costs more to put someone on death row verses life in prison. Of course, it being in middle school and me being a smart ass, I replied that, "It only costs a couple cents to buy a gallon of bleach and a syringe. How expensive could it be?"

Now, while that would never happen in real scenarios, it's a valid point. Surely they shouldn't drag out such a process. Typically I would ask that it be over 56 days from conviction to death. I do understand that there should be an appeals process and what not to make SURE that the conviction was valid. But to drag it out for decades is ridiculous, isn't it?

I say give the guys a three year cap and, on the 3 year anniversary of his conviction, I say bleach his ass!

And it's not like I say, "For every crime, kill the bastards!" Well, ok, maybe I do, but just in jest. And I don't think that all murders deserve it. I think that people that do truly heinous crimes need punished to this extreme.

Why you ask? To detour the fucked up people from doing this? Nah, if they're fucked up enough to do this type of shit, an example won't help them.

It's just plain fun. There, I said it. It's just fun to kill people that do things that are so *unimaginably* horrid.

Try it, you'll like it.

I forgot to mention in my previous posting.

I almost died today.  And not my typical over-dramatic "Ohh, I almost died" with jazz hands routine.

I almost died today Precious, and it was super awful.

I was taking a shower this morning, which was not the thing that killed me.  I know, you all look at me and think that, if I would ever bathe, all of the skank and dirt would pour off of me and there would be nothing left.  But, I tell you, that's just a blasphemous lie spread around by the Religious Right and the lesbians.  Yes, the lesbians are out to get me as they're jealous of my make-up and lip glossing skills.

But I digress as I'm starting to spin out of control.

So, I was showering and I turned around away from the shower nozzle, with my eyes closed, and opened my eyes to grab the shampoo bottle.  And, low-and-behold, it was floating in front of my face.

An inch, give or take a nipple hair.

Not the mounds of dirt that was flying off of me.

Not Jesus, pointing at me, ridiculing and damning my soul.

A Spider.

A Daddy Long Legs, to be exact.

For those of you in the know about me, I'm deathly scared of spiders.  I can't even TOUCH a picture of a spider.  I just end up paralyzed with fear, shaking in my pretty panties, typically screaming for someone to kill it.

However, in this particular instance, two things happened simultaneously, so read slowly and picture it:

1)  I screamed like a little bitch.  I'll admit it.  I unhinged my jaw to unleash the terror that consumed my soulless body.

2)  I jumped back.  I nearly slipped while doing this and at the same time nearly smacked my head on the shower nozzle.  At this same time, I'm flaying my arms around, as this will ward off the spiders from entering my personal bubble.

Of course I'm wet, naked, and alone in the house, so Mike isn't around to kill it.  So, and you'll all be proud of me, I mustered up all of my courage and Mike's Pert shampoo bottle and beat it.  I beat it into the shower tub so much and hard I'm sure that it's now permanently part of the bath tub.  And, all the while, I'm screaming at it and to the gods, telling...no, ORDERING it to die over and over again.  And for those of you that wonder why I chose Mike's shampoo instead of mine?

What he won't know won't kill him. 

And, no, it's not porn.  Well, sure, I'm addicted to that too.  But I've found loveliness that I can't stop playing.

World of Warcraft.

I was intrigued by it ever since South Park had an episode where they were all characters off of Warcraft.  So, for Christmas, we all (Travis, Jess, and I) got each other World of Warcraft so that we can play with each other.  We were going to wait until January to play when we got our new computers with the release of Windows Vista.

However, The Crack called us, sang its Siren's Song...and we heard it loud and clear.  And, after hearing that alluring song, we were unable to turn away.

My Precious...

Yesterday, after I got home, I think I played for 5 hours.  I then turned around, went to bed, woke up, got around super quick, played for another hour, then went to work.

Now the funny part kicks in.

We needed to get Jessica to Level 10 so that we can move her to my realm so that we can play together.  So Travis told me to play Jessica's character today.  At work.  So, of course there's someone literally giving me the line of cocaine, glass table, and the bendy straw to snort it with.  Glorious.  So, for around 3-4 hours I played Jessica's character until Travis had to leave and he took his laptop with him.

That's why, my dear friends, that I haven't been posting.  It wasn't because, like Jennifer, I'm knocking on death's door, begging to be put out my misery.  I'm not having a family emergency or unable to pay my internet bills.

Oh no, it's much more twisted then that my dear friends.

I have a sickness.  And strangely enough, it's a sickness that I love.

My Precious.... 

So I just walked in the door from my grandparent's Christmas Shingding.

Or shall we call it Shenanigan.

Yes, I think that's more appropriate.

*screams loudly in my head*

I made a post a couple of weeks ago titled, "The Sound Of 10,000 Children Screaming." I thought that I knew what that truly meant.

However, I was strangely wrong. O' so wrong, Precious.

There are 6 young kids in the family. And, I bet you that not a one was pleased this evening save Jocelyn, but she's only a couple of months old and she sleeps all the damned time. I do like my quiet and I'm *totally* not used to having this amount of children running around, screaming and jumping on top of each other, crying, etc. *shudders*

I should have brought my Vicodin. I forgot it at home...bastards!

One of them is especially precious. He loves Spiderman. He *IS* Spiderman and everyone else is the Green Goblin. He came after me a couple of times, hitting me and kicking me. Note that I didn't say kicking *at* me, kicking me. Now while this would be amusing if the kid was two, he's 4 with hard shoes. It actually started to hurt. Of course, about this time, his parents were too busy screaming at each other because, and I could be wrong, stole some food from him. I mean, there's plenty of food there, but she stole his food from his plate. Let you ladies remember that you do *NOT* come between our family and food. You will be destroyed, no questions asked.

So, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, she was mortified and was trying to get the kids' coats on to leave to save some of her dignity, you have Spiderman running around, kicking people, telling them that they're "Butt Cracks" and "Pee Holes," punching them, spitting on them. Oh yes, and he was "Cigarette Man," where he shot cigarettes at you. And then he was "Fire Man" and sprayed fire on you. Apparently he wanted people to die of cigarette burns.

And, if that was only it, I would think to myself, "Ohhh, typical family function!!" But of course you mix in the constant screaming, crying, and what not...OHHH!!! I forgot the most Precious of all things.

Spiderman got his gift from his great-grandparents (my grandparents). It was this small mini-lunch box thingy that had Spiderman on it. It wasn't much, granted, but hey, he's four. You just don't spend that much on little kids. But, anyways, he was fucking LIVID! He started screaming that all he got was this stupid box, started hitting it, and then threw it across the room. Sweet fucking Jesus. Of course, mommy kicks in at this point and takes him into the kitchen where, I assume, she gives him a sound thrashing. I don't recall at this point, as I'm whimpering softly to myself and kicking my own ass for not bringing my Vicodin. I even got to a point where I turned to my mother, who is on anti-depresents, if she brought her emergency supply (as I know she actually has some on her). She cried softly and said that they are on her key rings and, unfortunately, she didn't drive.

Fuck.

So I made it through 4 hours of pure and utter insanity and physical brutality.

And not even the good kind. Feel SOORRRRRYYYY for me, pease!!!!

I called my parents after posting about my sister to ask them what to do with Brandi's present, as it was still at my parent's house when I left.  The funny thing was that Brandi was there when I called.  Apparently she was sick this morning and, strangely enough, didn't feel it appropriate to call us to let us know that she wouldn't be coming.  Well, I don't really buy that story, more along the lines of, "I just over slept."

Which is much more boring than, "I will not give you any money and I'm a bad daughter."

I liked it more when it was more dramatic.  But, at the very least, everything worked out ok and no one hates anyone.

Today.

We'll see how we all feel tomorrow.

So I'm back home from mom and dad's for Christmas morning and it was lovely.  Everything I got I liked (the sweater was quasi-questionable, I'll have to try it on to see if it looks right on me...but that's better then most years!) and it was a good time held by all.

Except one lil' thing that happened.  Or what didn't happen.

Brandi, my sister, never showed up.

Dad called her the other night to remind her about the gathering and everything, yet, come 8am, she didn't show up.  We were supposed to start at 7:30.

Dad tried calling her on her phone but got her voicemail.  At first thought you would think that, like all of God's creatures is supposed to be doing, she was still sleeping.  However, the tale takes a dark turn.

Brandi apparently is in debt to my parents for her cell phone.  When she moved out it turned out to be cheaper to add a line to my parents' cell phone plan versus her trying to get one for herself or having a landline (which she doesn't have).  She has no credit and, I do believe, it would be impossible for her to get one of her own.  Well, my lovely sister kept on downloading ringtones and games, which constantly ended up being around a 100 a month in extras.  She even started to browse the internet with it, which adds an insane amount to the bill.  So dad added on unlimited internet.  Then this guy kept on texting her and sent several hundred to her in one month.  And, without unlimited texting, that's a HUGE per-use fee!  So dad added on unlimited texting.  Then, of course, she stopped being able to pay for these several hundred phone charges.  So then started asking for like $60 a month until she was caught up.  However, it's hard to catch up when you keep on adding a $100 or so a month to the bill with games and ringtones.  I mean, *I* don't know that many people to give them specific ringtones.  Surely she doesn't!

So, while talking to Brandi, he told her a) I need my $60 bucks and b) your brothers are buying you presents, you're pretty much expected to buy for them.

Now, last Christmas we didn't get anything from Brandi.  Which is fine, just tell us in advance so that we don't spend $100 (combined from the both of us) so that we can at least scale it back.  Not that necessarily because we're selfish (well, we are, but...), but because it doesn't make the *other* person look like a jackass that they didn't get you anything and another person spends a nice chunk of change on you.

I can grasp the fact that she doesn't have a shit load of extra change laying around.  Hell, I've been there.  So Travis, Jess, and I discussed it and decided to scale it back this Christmas and spend like $40 combined on her so that, even if she doesn't get anything for us, she'll have something and she won't feel like a complete heel.  So, we ended up buying her $40 worth of bath and body stuff (which is like, 2-3 tubes hehe) and we thought that was fair.  Hell, if she would have told us that, "hey, i can't afford christmas this year." we may have decided not to get each other anything for Christmas, whatever she was most comfortable with.

Well, I still would have gotten her something, as everyone should get *something* for Christmas, even if it wasn't much.

But to not even show up?!  I think that hurt dad, he was not pleased to say the least.  He was threatening to turn off her cell phone tomorrow and was talking about taking back her Christmas presents.

Personally I think that we'll give Brandi our gift.  I mean, it was $40 combined, and everyone *should* get something for Christmas.  I dunno, I'll have to talk to Jess and Travis about it first, as it's their gift too.

It's just sad that something like money kept the whole family apart this year.  Just sad. 

Sweet Jesus.

Fuck the Lexus, Snookie. *THIS* right here would make this holiday the December To Remember.

*drools*

So, I'm not sure if I'll be able to post tomorrow with all of the family stuff going on, So...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

So, from our previous adventure with Mike and I getting separate Christmas cards from my aunt Jen and uncle Scott, I will tell you how I unraveled this mystery.

It wasn't through my Scooby Doo snooping powers, my Nancy Drew stealth, my Super Powered Decoder Ring, or my Raging Clue.

I used what I know best: My Mouth. (And, no, not in the DIRTY way!!!)

So it was near the end of the family gathering that we do for Christmas Eve and I just walked up and asked her what the deal was with Mike and I getting separate Christmas Cards from them. I wasn't being a bitch or anything; I said it more jokingly than anything. And, you can tell she was totally not expecting this question, and she made a comment like, "Well, you guys are two people."

That almost set me free. However, I decided not to pass judgment until I heard more.

I then asked her what she meant by that, indicating that, strangely, my brother Travis and his wife Jess are separate people, even though they do act like they are joined at the hip most of the time (except basketball...where she becomes a basketball widow. hehe). But, anyways, she then said "That was true" and then she started talking about how she then didn't know how to address the envelope when mailing it. I just looked at her and said, "Casey *lastname* and Mike *lastname*." She then was like, "Ohhh, I guess that makes sense." Jessica then asked how you would do formal on envelopes to a gay couple. It would be like, "Mr Casey *lastname* and Mr Michael *lastname*." I'm not sure how hard that was. And, even if you did find that difficult, why would that prevent you from sending it in one card and then just possibly making a faux paux and just noting the envelope wrong. Like, I dunno, Mr Casey & Mike *lastname*. *rolls eyes*

(As a side note, I typed in Faux Paux in Webster.com to see if I spelled that right and it came up with the suggestion "Fuck Up." *laughs*)

I found the excuse lame. However, I believe my uncle when he said that they didn't mean to upset me or anything. And, I'm not really upset, and I totally understand they didn't mean anything by it. I mean, all I want to be is treated the same, and to get stuff like this from my own family just wounds me.

I think that's the best word that describes it. Not upsetting, just wounded. I guess I just expected better from my family.

And then we started to get into the discussion of Gay Marriage. *sighs*

My aunt then mentioned that, due to what the Bible, she doesn't believe that gays should get married but they should have the option to have a legal alternative (like civil unions) where they can get the same rights as married people. Now, strangely, I find that hysterical. I actually consulted the scriptures just now (and, yes, my laptop was smoking a wee bit while searching the pages, and this is what I found when I searched for homosexual. One mention in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11:

9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Strangely, all of those deviants can and do get married. Even male prostitutes, which I would think is more "naughty" than a gay guy in a committed relationship.

However, what do I know?

However, if given the option of having nothing versus a civil union, I would pick civil union.  And, personally, I don't think of it as settling.  I think of it like this:

If someone offered me half of a donut or nothing, I would take half of a donut.  It's not that I don't *want* the whole one, as I'm chunky, but it's because, frankly, it's better then nothing and I do like my donuts.  I mean, hello, what person in their right mind would turn this nose up to *any* portion of a donut!?

However, I would still push to have gay marriage, as that would make us truly equal.  However I think that we're far off to having that option.  So, in the mean time, I would be happy with a civil union.

And a Super Secret Decoder Ring.  Those always looked super sweet to me as a kid... 

I found something SO disturbing and damning that I decided to walk in the tradition of my fellow bloggers that have outed the righteous to the world as the sick perverts that they are.

You know who you are. You that twirls around, screaming that Walmart is an abomination and needs to be stopped. You that sings praises to the idea of a world without The Walmart.

Yet you secretly buy George clothing, Hanes Her Way panties, and cheap ice cream.

You know who you are yet you hide in the darkness. Out in the light you protest and egg the sides of Walmart with the rest of the God fearing community. Yet, in the darkness, all alone, you wrap yourself in your cheap fabric and eat your dirty, half priced ice cream.

Dirty, Filthy Whore!

Yes, I'm talking about Jennifer....

I did a quick search on her blog to find damning evidence, to show my fellow Anti-Walmart League of Justice that she, indeed, is the Anti-Christ that the Anti-Walmart League has foreseen. Below is copied and pasted damning proof that she is a Walmart whore!

Wal-Mart...the Evil Empire

It frightens me to admit it, but I am becoming a Wal Mart shopper. I always held in great contempt, those folks that do all their shopping at Wal Mart. I was too proud, too socially conscious, completely aware every time I crossed the threshhold (how do you spell threshhold....is it thresh hold or thresh old? Why am I asking you, you probably don't know either!!!) that I was condemning people in Bangladesh to a life of servitude to the Walton family.

But I have gradually had an epiphany and come to realize that, well, shit is cheaper there! For example, the pre packaged snacks that my children consume in massive quantities are half the price there. How can I justify shopping elsewhere?

Ultimately, ice cream is what caused me to cross over to the dark side. You see, my family is addicted to ice cream. I am actually thinking I may need to seek some kind of intervention, maybe a 12 step Ben and Jerry's detox program for them. And ice cream at the grocery store is expensvie....$5.00 for 1/2 gallon that will last 2 days.

But at the evil empire, all varieties are around $2.50 per gallon. And they sell Wells Blue Bunny. And Good Humor soft scoopable ice cream, which Josh has declared the Official Ice Cream of the Brunner Family.

So there you go, I am now a Wal Mart shopper. All because of my family's obssession with dairy products.

This was hard for me, as I care very deeply for Jennifer. However, it's my civic duty...neigh, Righteous Responsibility, to out her to the Community so that we can take DRASTIC measures to save her soul.

Say a prayer for Jennifer, as she's teetering towards Damnation and we, the Anti-Walmart League of Justice, are the only force that can free her soul from an eternity of Everyday Low, Low Prices.

Amen.

Out of sheer boredom I did a search on my black sheep sister, Brandi. Using the awesome power of Google, I found a blog of some sorts by her. Sure, it hasn't been touched since May of this year, prior moving out of my parent's house (she doesn't have access to the internet, at least as far as I know). But, I found it rather...peculiar.

There was one instance where she was talking about all of us being over at Jess and Travis' house, watching Survivor, playing ping-pong, and all of us playing Twister.

Strangely enough, I don't remember this ever happening. I don't think that I've ever been over at their house when Survivor was on because a) I hate Survivor with a passion and b) I don't think Travis and Jess would welcome any type of distraction when Survivor was on.

And, strangely enough, I can't picture the whole family playing Twister.  Especially since, to my knowledge, no one even owns the game.  And we're not the most...athletic family.  We like to sit and watch TV.  You know, we're Americans! 

So, Jess, help me out? Am I making losing my mind? Did this never happen?

Or could it be both? :)