First Posting
So, I needed something to think...so, I've been hearing all of these lovely blogs and figured "Hey, maybe, just maybe...". And it was so.
You know, I was watching the other day this movie. 'Twas on HBO on demand or Showtime on demand or something like that. And, this woman was diagnosed with this cancer, only had a few months to live, tops. She was only 23. And, she had a loving husband and two young daughters. She decided not to tell anyone about it...and to actually live. She decided to do all of the "naughty" things that society tells us not to do, ie drinking, smoking, sleeping with someone else besides her husband, and speaking her mind instead of just agreeing with people or being so damned timid you can't voice your own voice. I was so impressed by her chosen course of action. The movie was called "My Life Without Me". Was fabulous. Showed me that this life is too damned short, enjoy it, as long as you don't hurt others in the process. If I would ever get really sick like that, I would never tell anyone unless i'm collapsing near death. Why put the family through so much more pain then they have to. I mean, why make your family suffer for months needlessly. They'll still have time to morn you after you're gone. Remember them they way they used to be, not them falling all over you in pity because you are ill. Amen to that. You Go Girl.
So, instead of going to work, I went to the local library and helping them with replacing all of their current computers. $25.00/hour, definatly not bad. Could have had more, but figure that it's a community thing, won't screw them over too bad *grins*. Even though, after the schools got out, all of these kids kept on bugging me and wanting to get on the computers. *banishes them to the great beyond*. Yes, I don't like kids, deal with it.
I'm begining to think that I need therapy/drugs. 'Tis one of the reasons why I started this blog. I...I feel trapped. Like, I look around and I don't see much that's offering me anything. I mean, I love my job (insurance agent), love my family, love my bf....but, I feel this pain inside of me. Like, I'm meant for so much more, there's more to life then this, and it bothers me. I just wanna cry some nights. Is there more to life then waking up, going to work, coming home, eating, and playing on the computer? I would like to think so, but this is what my life has amounted to. I want to do something bold, daring, exciting. I want...my vacation *laughs*. Going to Charleston for about a week in June. Damn, should be sooner hehe. But, what's a boy to do? I just wanna run away for awhile, escape somewhere, some place, where no one knows me and I can pretend to be someone else....not that i'm unhappy with myself by any stretch of the imagination. I just want some type of change. My life is a rut and it's driving me mad. *evil grins*. Well, what can ya' do, ehh?
Anyways, more tomorrow...
Ka'Dield
